Where Have I Been?
Well yet another life lesson needed to be learned I guess, since last I came out of my shell so to speak not a lot has happened but enough to kick me down again here’s the what not in it for those new since even we haven’t seen this is about 2 years at least to this point.
Well as the story goes I was watering the plants and hit my head on the light and this ones got a good solid corner on it for just such an occasion, now some of you are thinking and what? Well as you seen I disappeared without a trace as the first morning I woke up angry and not just holy shit it’s a new day, more like let’s start a fucking kill list of mother fuckers I hate kind of anger, this was also accompanied with the worst confusion of my life and made for a very tough day. I had and still do have an immense amount of pressure in my head and worse yet I hit it again last night so here we are today and why am i writing today, good question.
Today finds me stuttering, forgetting entire conversations as fast as they happen, last night never happened, and days before who knows I sure as fuck don’t, and this is where is becomes frustrating as fuck since we can’t make plans as you see I had an entire month planned and now I am not sure where I go since I am not sure this time how long these effects will last, yes this time since the last time seemed to be done in a day however I didn’t actually hit my head that time. Let’s set the stage Michelle and I were horsing around when we first got together and she jumped on me and over we fell nothing serious and I truly never gave it much thought until the next day when I woke up goofy, and then paranoid we likened the situation to Dementia Paranoia from what we read, how I acted, because I didn’t know Michelle the next day it was the weirdest thing and prior to that hits made me just forget one maybe two days, I would function normally but have zero memory of what happened in the previous 24 to 48 hours.
I have made the decision to suspend lives until I can actually speak properly not stutter, stammer, forget simple words, it’s my hope this and the new found anger doesn’t last long since it isolates me more then need be as I will not answer anyone until I’m done being so goofy, even writing this is a chore today since the first hot was above my left eye and its been a weird double visions filled cunt for the most part making this tiny screen a fuck to see and my spelling is shit regardless and I have to keep back spacing and restarting, it’s a piss off more then anything. We have been building our education for the last while with some amazing people joining the page and group also supporting so much of our social media platform, that I felt compelled to write about it and I was going to yesterday but just wasn’t ready.
The other part of the piss of came when again we lost 3 more seeds neither the Blueberry, Amnesia Haze, nor OG showed signs of life and I snapped then since I truly believe we have photos wrapped up as autos and we fast Fast Fems dubbed autos again a feeling but none the less 7 days and nothing off of a seed when the ones growing are getting bigger by the day, way to much fucking variation for me so my ego took a huge hit at that moment as well since it seems like nothing but mistakes being made costing precious time and money and truly autos should be alot easier then these seem to be, I hate being wrong but can admit maybe we should’ve went with a tried and true seed bank like Barney’s, Humboldt, Royal Queen, or many others but live and learn.
I feel as though I will be doing this for the foreseeable future and it sucks as we now have another wrench in the system and I’m not so impressed but how do we now treat this so we can move forward with any sort of life at all, for more then us this is the question but for me I will not be satisfied until we can make plans and get out of the house, since putting off lives and not blogging is one thing but if we were in the real world when this happened someone would’ve had me foaming at the mouth at them reading to smash the fucking teeth out of them and for reason to likely, very reminiscent of when I drank hard liquor all those years ago, saddens me to think I worked so hard to distance myself from that and now I am as crazy sober and hate it since it sort of makes it hard to keep constant contact with anyone, so please understand I appreciate every single one of you but what your seeing is C.T.E. at its finest I am angry, want a cigarette and a case of whiskey and some victims like the tough guys or so they think, the ones who bully the weak these are the ones I want and one day fuckers I will come for you whoever you maybe and the one thing on my mind will be smiling while I fuck you up, thank you all for following and taking time out of your busy day to follow along with our crazy little C.T.E life and I will announce when I will be going live again, but one hit to the head and it’s over again so let’s hope its sooner then later. Have a great day all and really thank you for giving us your time.