Well we laugh and joke about being lazy on the weekends and we truly are there is no joke other then lives and blogs and if course eating we really don’t do a lot and this includes house work, yes seems crazy however I think I have at least half an idea as to why this is and now I will share it with the world. The story sort of goes something like this, last year I fell apart lost my shit and everyone with a very exceptions friends and family all gone so now its Michelle and I and that’s really about it the vast majority of time in 7 days I will only talk to her and our dogs, so when the weekend comes and we aren’t busy doing life we take advantage I guess and more I am beginning to think this is loneliness again at its finest like u have an old friend visiting and don’t want to lose 1 single second of that face to face human contact that I don’t get other then the weekends, so I never want to take away from it for any reason, now I need to quantify this one as Michelle does gave weekends where she does have plans she’s in no way obligated to be here for those thinking it’s a forced deal it isn’t shit this summer she did golf tournaments I think more then one a concert shopping days I mean just because my life only exists in the house for the most part certainly doesn’t mean hers does as she also sees a doctor and is under the care of one now so again we don’t always have the same thoughts but this is perfectly fine with us and funny we don’t even fight about it ever. Now that being said and qualified justified and all the other, this makes the weekends we have special because for me I have a human to talk to and no talking to the dogs like their human doesn’t count. I said it yesterday finding my place isn’t easy so these weekends also seem like the way it just should be a friend sleeping over and it maybe a horrible analogy but the level of excitement is just that and is the reason why I didn’t want to blog or go live on the weekends missing time, as always this isn’t a pity party just a fact and glad I figured it out since now I don’t feel so lazy and it gives me extra incentive to actually push a little harder during the week and get stuff done as I do say it a lot “I’ll do it this week” and bang I run into a wall and my week gets fucked Monday then nothing gets done and I even as I write this I am curious if a lot of it was depression and loneliness, which leads as we all know to the feeling of unwanted although this may not be the case it is still where I go since being wanted hasn’t been a thing in my life until now either but the spiral downward begins with the feeling of nobody likes me and isolation. I do find it amusing as I look around the book and everywhere else how it’s always “I am here if you need me” takes a lot of pressure off that person doesn’t it hey I am right here waiting for you but you have to make the move I am to busy living a life to be bothered with your petty shit is really what they want to say but status quo doesn’t allow such things they must be caring and be there in spirit for friends much like I have been I get it, but I also get my brain says todays the day, this is the minute that life is over mother fucker I’m calling noone and how do I know this well last winter told me so and this is again when I realized just how alone i had been and how much I had fooled myself that people wanted me around as once I stopped texting first things fell apart and here we are starving for friends in real life but truly making up for it in the online world and meeting some other like minded folks having some struggles and whether the same or not folks struggling is struggling or hurting being sick or lonely see I guess this is why i give freely i had been alone with nothing all my life and material things are bullshit designed to rip families and humanity apart with greed this has never been me and hopefully never will be so I don’t get it as I freely gave shit away oh need $1000 to pay your bills sure here oh not xmas money here’s 2000 send some to your kids to and yes these are true and real stories of people working for me oh no place to live no food my house is open and now that I simply look for others time this is a burden a problem but that’s cool now that I know why I am not a lazy fuck on the weekend just someone who’s lonely and happy to have someone take time out to visit, it doesn’t count that we live together she’s the only one wanting to spend time with me so I now have a bee purpose starting tomorrow now let’s see if I can actually get this accomplished I have a feeling I will. Thank you all for following along with our crazy world and thank you for helping create this free little I got your back community where all it takes is a like or share and we know at least someone gives a fuck have a great Sunday and dont forget live on the book in 3 hours 9 am eastern see you there.