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I Still Can’t Believe It.

Well I havent been as active this week as I havent been feeling the greatest and been more tired then I have been in a long time and getting used to this new way of things has me some what baffled I won’t lie. I thought last week was filled with some great news on studies as it was 3 we are actively involved in 2 in the UK, and one with CAMH out of Toronto, now all of these are done online making them very easy for me especially to be involved in since I dont have to leave the house, so when I got the monthly newsletter and the University of British Columbia was looking for subjects?? What in the actual fuck did I just read I recall thinking since everyone has beard me bitch about my own country not doing jack the bear for Brains in general much less TBI, Concussions, leading to CTE WOW WOW WOW, so excited and then the news of acceptance not only came fast but so did the realization that UBC had partnered with Laurier which is another University here in Ontario and that we have to do a face to face interview?? Are you fucking kidding me?? Well this is a game changer holy fuck a million things running through my head about having to go to the city and fucking people and holy fuck I went into the nope, can’t, won’t, it really isn’t that important is it?? Well after all the shit I have talked there simply isn’t a way out so we will luckily bot have to go to the city but will be none the less becoming part of this amazing study and hopefully be able to contribute something that noone else can and that’s the perspective that my brain is fucked up and causes me to do dumb shit without utilizing the things we do and that I deal with no side effects, it’s this that scares me as well since I am so fucking bold and open that we may create yet another study on the disease itself minus big pharma and their bullshit for sale, this to me would be the ultimate in studies will it happen maybe with the right young professors looking for similar reasons as Anne McKee then we could be dancing so to speak. I realize the odds of this are not high but that doesn’t negate the fact that I will be helping in a study that will only have 98 others in it, now that is fucking huge since Michelle and I are likely the only one’s in our situation and we will get our results back which again wow amazing!! Now let’s flip to the ego side of things shall we and the finally bringing some legitimacy to what we have been doing, this again is fucking out of this world isn’t it? Look all you nay sayers the proof is right fucking here. I mean being a brain donor isn’t enough as again I am NOT A PRO but I am being admitted into both the legacy and this study and to recap these are places for pros not regular folks but my past and head injuries have been more then enough to show that I and everyone like me needs to be put into the mix as we do have alot to offer from a different perspective this also shows that anything is possible if you keep going and never quit.

A year ago I became stuck in the house, during this winter almost took my own life, let go of all of those that talked an amazing game, researched, read, trialled, pull my mother fucking self back up of course with a little help this time, and now full steam ahead until I just fucking can’t anymore, going out being a part of things life the world and that’s just it, I know I will have my good and bad days but to get back to where I was last year is letting everyone down including myself and those close, this is also yet another opportunity to show those shitty fucks I can do it again without them and this is the best of all. Thank you all for following along with our crazy fucking life, have a great day I will be mive sooner then later see you then.

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