Some may get this others not so much, but for the last year or so I have been noticing a growing pain tolerance and for those that knew me well were none to surprised I fought with so many broken things a lot so now I am being put in a place where the sky is the limit on what I won’t notice. This to me is scary as fuck since again fighting concussed with broken shit was never a concern of mine what can I with stand soon could be a mystery, just a couple weeks ago I took a full hammer swing to the hand and didnt notice it hurt I only seen it swollen, scary fucking food for thought. Throughout my life crying over pain wasn’t one of these things men did so swallowing it with a smile became routine, since if you let someone know your hurt they attack like a savage both mentally and physically this is how humanity acts, if your saying it’s not you check yourself since I call bullshit. Jaded perhaps but at the end of the day if your not ready to do some crazy shit in a bad spot then self preservation isn’t your thing.
The place I wish I could feel less truly is my brain this last couple days has left me not only lazy as fuck but with more head pain then usual the reason isnt clear yet, since I have been handling shitty weather well, diet, sleep, routine, generally unchanged and my thoughts don’t conclude high dosing a factor, I think simply put I am just a lazy mother fucker that needs to get back into shape or 8n better shape. This needs to be done not only for my own peace of mind and mental and physical but Michelle’s to now finding the energy is where the troubles come as of late, I have however increased my steps per day from 250 to 2000 so I am going to get there and have weeks and times I face setbacks which is what the last couple days this was mostly in my own mind as I could’ve been walking the dog to add more but sadly just havent been there talked some shit about it, which gets me the fuck o where but feeling worse for being lazy. The hamster wheel of life I want something stuck my head out, over work, and set myself back doesn’t seem fair does it? No need to answer we all know life isn’t fair if we ALLOW it and to a degree I am allowing it by not doing a little warm up/ workout in the morning when I am most awake instead of doing nothing. My blogs seem to be running their own story line these days and I am ok with this since it tells a tale of where I am and what’s most bothering me on a particular day so I get to vent and don’t realize it and today it’s about letting me down I guess, odd how discussing 1 thing helps figure out something else and I do think less then me week should he over since I have been beating all the little trip ups and not taking time to appreciate it I think since old me handled this shit without sweating. Still can’t get past the I’m not the old keep no more but hopefully one of these days it will be possible, thank you all for following along and join me live sooner then later. Have a great day!