Someone once told me we are remembered by the legacy we leave and today it became evident that mine won’t be what it could’ve been, and this for me is a lot hard to swallow since I always wanted my kids to do better then me and trust me when I say I didn’t set the bar all that high since well I am human and did shit my own way since I didn’t get alot of guidance. Today felt like the day I never wanted to see although I truly feel this could have been avoided and it would’ve been much easier then it is now but I was the only one to see it this way so I blame all those involved that kept me out.
I am doing something’s around here today requiring me to build and such therefore it made me tired as fuck, and along with the busy day and the emotional things I was to tired by the end of it all to finish this blog seeing as the more I hit nails and what not the more I wanted to smash people I love hitting shit that hits back makes life alot more enjoyable well some anyway. I always wanted more for my kids sad as I should have killed my ex back in the day I truly believe it would’ve saved alot of bullshit, however hind sight being what it is the cards will fall where they do and I will still be the bad guy and this has to be ok as I cant fight for people who dont want me taking away the fight I need for my own life. Yesterday marked the last day though I look back at those not in my life I have given everyone more chances then they deserve, like my dumb ex friend who now is stuck way the fuck over his head paying bills for pussy everyone had a taste of cuz it’s been in offer to the highest bidder for along time and well seems he is willing to die for it from the stress created living as what hes not and this is a thought that keeps me up why I ask? I have no answer I think my brain just grabs onto whatever the fuck it wants to, I would have no input into this decision nor would I want any and I cant figure out why I care but this is something the less I’m involved the more I forget so time to adjust again.
The moral of the story is I wish I had more time with my kids and those that mattered but the reality is they hate me all of them and I think it fitting I can also thank my loving mother for this one to why will come later, see I married my mother and therefore paid the price and now I have to let life take it’s own course and whatever is meant to be will be and it’s none of my fucking business and I will keep my nose to the grind and figure me out now, do I like this no but I’m short in the choices department so fuck it! Thank you all for following along and I will he live sooner then later to talk about…you will have to join in and see.