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Sometimes It Just Hurts!

Those that follow along know how much time we invest in the things we do so when I wake up like I did yesterday filled with more questions then answers and feeling as though we have back slid 1000 feet which isn’t a feeling that sits well with me at all, and although sitting here now I realize that we gained more knowledge from faltering yesterday then we lost. I didn’t sleep well the night before which isn’t usually a big deal however this was different the poor me’s kept me up which is something that I haven’t had in awhile and really worried me since I woke up so conflicted and mentally in a very bad place and was so confused as this wasn’t supposed to happen, the some 1000 or more studies and reviews and data SAID this wouldn’t happen so why then is it happening to me? Right no one in my position has done this in the way I was and that was high dose central and well there is no more enjoying as a drug shrooms to me have become as needed and now understood like I do Marijuana ok not exactly yet as I am still trialing but in reality we are still trialing strains as well since there are just so many, but to say I now have not only a new understanding and better respect for the power of the 2 natural drugs if you will which I now know will keep this shit at bay without a doubt and now we change the way we are doing things and now I am seeking low dose what exact dose will be is dependent upon the day at this point and just how much pot and at what dose will now begin to make more sense to all including to me which we know is the most important, and through these trials this is what eats my ass about these other so called Medicinal users do they suffer this way as well, I mean this could have been done easier but easy isn’t who I am nor what my life has been. What I seen happen yesterday I think was a result of total sensory over load and this comes also from the way light and sound hits me and did so yesterday. I am no doctor nor do I even have a grade 12 I can most certainly understand the people who don’t believe someone like me could do what I am and well it is easy this is my body and what I put into it either makes it feel good or bad doesn’t take a doctor for that, and I don’t have to explain and reason and rationalize to someone how their medication isn’t working and explaining exactly how I am feeling at times can be a fucking nightmare, it doesn’t take a lot of smarts nor money to things the way I am just big balls and a I am not fucking giving into this bullshit and taking the easy way out and pilling it since this would be the lead in to getting back into the bottle and at this point meh I am not interested in that at all so its my way or no way.

Yesterday as I reflect was a learning day and I got taught that I need to chill out some and take it a little easier to get where I need to go, I of course didn’t take it like that and I took the day off people to recover as I was exhausted and had to run through the day with as few distractions as possible as I could’ve slid off the rails quickly with much more stimulation, so instead I used the cannabutter and made banana bread to again bring some calm to myself and reset if you will. Most wouldn’t get it but my initial reaction was and generally is it didn’t work fuck it I quit its as though I go from the highest of hi’s to the lowest of lows and this is what got me into trouble over the winter last year so I am in a lot of ways happy we caught it now and have the chance to retry because I think this would have been a fatal mistake in a couple of months so again to have the resolve that I do to utilize and study the things we use is uncanny and I guess I am thankful for this OCD type shit I have going on since it does keep me going and double checking things as we go. Initially yesterday left me with a bazillion oh I fuck it ups but again as the day went by we won huge see I keep forgetting the best line ever you either win or learn and we learned a lot yesterday, sadly my ego took a little touch but here I am again today feeling better about the direction we are now headed not that it has been nor will it ever get fucking easy but to be able to find the proper doses of the things that are making a difference is the best outcome we can hope for as again we don’t go to a book and say ok for symptoms A,B,C, I need pill 123 things change fast and we need a total package as flexible as this mother fucking disease and when using natural you can change doses strains and whatever else you would like, there are no nasty side effects if you do your research, there are no interactions and fuck if your having trouble eating or sleeping again read and research what works for you, STOP being so fucking lazy and taking the easy way out is my opinion but again not everyone has the balls and back bone I have even though a lot talk some shit don’t they? I won’t let this set me back in fact I am already planning time and day for the micro dosing to begin and stay that way until I feel as though I need to challenge it again with a high dose because we all know it’ll happen and it is only a matter of time. Thank you all for following and this is the first of 2 for today I will be reviewing the week as well since there was so much more going on, lots going on to talk about and more importantly to write down so that I can remember what I did. Have a great day all and I will be back in a bit.

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