Those following along as of late have seen the fight I have been having to get out of the house and we have finally got to a point I went out last month and now again this one, having been out of the house now more in 2 months then the previous 11 this is ok and needed to start somewhere after all. I was doing great yesterday except for being tired but after falling and hitting my head this wasn’t a shocker really and with the rain and such it made total sense and I even had to lay down for a half an hour which in the beginning didn’t make me the happiest of campers this is for sure but when I got that text from Michelle saying ” I am on my way!” my heart fucking stopped show time so to speak wow the panic and straight fucking terror set in the time for talking as they say was done, time to walk the walk, see this for many is where flight takes over in me this is entirely different as most would think. When I went into panic of course the self sabotage kicked in making excuses, sweating, wanting to reschedule, however the vet had already push us back 2 day and with a date night set we didn’t have time to try this again as we all know it never works out and things always get fucked up so IT JUST HAD TO HAPPEN! And so it did and now we are ready for the next step so to speak date night is a fucking lot closer then it was 24hrs ago, see with me we never know who I am going to be for the day will I be the wallower, fighter, normaler, isolator, see the many face of this cocksucker make it awfully hard to have a life and I can truly see it being even more difficult for those dealing with the disease and with side effects to have a life as we have a hell of a time but things are going to be easier I believe going forward, does this mean it will be easy oh good god know difficult all the way but we will get this next one as well.
So to walk you through the thought process as I am sure some already know all to well it starts as a what can happen outside and then after we beat all the what ifs down for there well then its what if someone breaks in what is we have a fire I cant leave shit even the dogs aren’t home and then what if I mean before I even got dressed yesterday because yes this was the last thing that I did most likely in case my outfit wasn’t right but who knows eh. This process has been the catalyst for keeping me inside and don’t get me wrong there is true reason to be concerned in the event something goes wrong and I freak out there is a lot of troubles happening really quickly and aside from shooting me dead your not putting me down with any great ease with any quickness at all muscle memory, ego, anger, and fear will keep me well motivated but as for the rest of things meh there really of course is concern for a home invasion, or fire in our absence but how long do I allow this to keep me in, keeping our little nest safe from the bad things in life? Well I am not sure when we will head out after the next planned outing however I am certain it will be sooner then later and I mean I have to accept this as a reality and move on and enjoy life as best I can at this point and in making these little outings the new norm this is half the battle make some memories here and there and not just hang out along and wait for death to come knocking because in all reality it could be a long and painful wait so why make life miserable for all in the meantime right after all we only get one kick at this thing called life and I think wasting a year almost is plenty lots don’t you?
There are many factors we believe at play here and some are the weather for sure being much cooler is making things a lot easier for me to do the heat seems to drain the piss out of me in a way that I have never felt, and seems to almost make my brain swell this is totally unfounded at this point and mere speculation on my part however since the cooler temps have hit I have been less tired and more energetic and have this desire to get out and explore this also worries me as we know for most as the Dementia progresses wandering then becomes the worry and this isn’t at this point what we want but again one more silly thing that I worry about to stay in the house. The next outing we have will be shown in pics and videos since this one is much huger and closer then I want to think about at this point that is for sure since it will see us out for longer then a vet visit, being one to never be thumbed down a lot this has been a tough year of hanging out alone, but this is cool maybe this is the year I find that new friend maybe the dogs and I walk further and meet someone in the same position sick and tired of not only being sick and tired of being alone but also being stuck in the god dam house and we can have a coffee together once in a while who the fuck knows other then I know how sick of it I am and its time to change I have been walking and moving more this week as well, the weather has sucked ass for walking due to rain and cold but today is to be different they say and we have a busy day planned this is for sure and look forward to getting as much done as we can and walking the dogs again today to get that routine going as I did notice they do need to be outside enjoying life as well and as such going forward this is what we will be doing. Thank you all for following along and guess what keep following and we will be showing you some crazy new scenery that even I never thought I would see, have a great day all and join me for the last live of the week in the group and see what we will be talking about see you all soon.