When I Don’t Know My Ownself.
We again have been coming to some new realizations about things and the biggest seems to be the lack of knowledge I have with in my own body these days and how I am not as in tune as I once was with such things like hunger, hot, cold, and pain being the biggest thing I lack and although I have always had a high pain tolerance somedays pain just isn’t something I feel. This is something we have been noticing since last winter as I was outside in a hoody at minus 40 with no boots, gloves, or cares about being cold I was far to warm, keep in mind my dog wanted nothing to do with being outside to pee and I had to go out and fix a frozen line although I didn’t get it fixed myself I did try.
The biggest issue I am currently having is knowing whether I am full and or hungry and its maddening since I am not wanting to over eat but am also tired of waking up hungry as well so where is it that I can find a middle ground anymore and when does this become dangerous to my health? This is the question we aren’t sure of at this point since we are learning as we go and I do believe that if I was taking prescriptions I would be in a lot worse condition then I am as the side effects of the meds would have me chasing my tail a lot more then I am, and to be truthful I am tired from the chasing I am doing. This being said we do have a good schedule in place for me out of routine I am eating at certain times during the day for the most part anyway I don’t always hit it right on nor do I always eat when I should for one reason or the other, I hope your beginning to see the conundrum I call life at this point in time and it has worked its way into not knowing when I have to use the washroom explaining some of the things that we have had to deal with in the last little while and some of the discomfort I have felt as well as of late. The question I have over and over it seems is how did we get here, I mean it was just yesterday I was normaler wasn’t it? I mean this is the way it feels anyway an now it seems I don’t even fully understand my own bodily functions and this to me is as scary as losing my dam mind and again there isn’t a lot at this point that I can do about it as it seems to keep surprising me so subtly that it is hard to get ahold of before its gone, again making the statement “today is the best day…” totally realistic and more meaningful as each day goes on. So now its back to the drawing board again as I am certain there will be a way to figure this one out and make things a little easier in this department since we are working on other things and making the good and best of things as they come.
The question I have is am I alone in this is there anyone else at my age or older going through this when did it start, how long has it been going on, and so on do I have questions for you at rapid fire rate however you don’t seem to exist anywhere in the world for me to ask so it seems anyway. I will read as I am sure it is something deep within my brain that is as simple as a lobe not getting what it needs as this really seems to be the issue for the most part and generally falls back to the caveman portion of the brain how and why simply remains a mystery to me at this point although I have read it a few times now, I think for me this is more to do with male ego being what it is I mean again I ask at this age how much fun does this sound to me none from the inside looking out or the outside looking in but I will get some resolution before I have to start wearing diapers because I think this one will push me over the top. I also need to be better regimented to eat between the things I am doing even if it is only a piece of fruit or something simple and easy like toast just for something to make sure and I was keeping track of my daily intake however it got silly and mundane as it seemed we were eating enough I mean I don’t do a lot and 2000 to 2500 calories a day seemed lots, but I keep forgetting to we have since changed the amount of shitty food we eat to the better choices so maybe I should revisit this and keep doing it no matter how silly it may seem and this time put more thought and energy into it also and with us discussing a cross country trip we now have to keep all of these things in mind as we go making it harder to get there but making it more necessary to do this as well since we are seeing time slipping away before our eyes and with no way to stop it we must and really I must move faster to get out into the public and make a life happen for us both to remember. Thank you to all for following along and have a great day time to go live and today should be a good one. See you all soon.