Waking Up In The Land If Confusion.

Well today has seen one of the most confusing days we have been through in as long as I can remember, honestly to the point this is like the only thing i will be doing today. This morning started much later then usual and had me beat tired and truly still does to the point I won’t fight a nap today so what happened you ask?

The first noticable issue was a conversation i was having with Michelle in the bathroom although in reality she hadn’t even left the bedroom, truly this is the first time i have had an auditory and visual hallucination at the same time, I know my terminology isn’t correct however it’s all I have, ok remembered in time and won’t correct giving you decent insight into where I am today, as I wasn’t going to do this either but I do hope it may snap me out of whatever this is as I am not sure as to how I got this confused, I mean the hallucinations being what they are I am also stuck in the month if November for some reason, tried shaking it talking it through and yet I can’t seem to move past this notion of Christmas, ironically a time of year I fucking hate and I have no nice way of saying it either as it has never been a favorite ever, therefore being stuck there for if you recall my thought it was close to Christmas 2020 within the past week as well.

There is no doubt this revelation scares the ever living shit out of me as there is simply no logical reason to be stuck in a time of year I hated and seemingly being in one fuck of a hurry to get through this year. These days are coming more often then they used to and again we aren’t exactly sure, but I do think its ties directly to the amount of sleep I am getting which as we have learned is to much but I am now at its mercy since ever standing here writing this I am having troubles staying awake, and I slept longer then I generally do and still wanted another couple hours sleep but wanting to stay somewhat in routine I forced myself up and am still not sure it was the right idea.

The idea of noticing these types of things is likely the scariest part of the whole losing my mind, and to really how much will I put up with before I go around the fucking bend not knowing if Michelle is in the bathroom or bedroom not even hearing me, so was I simply talking in my head and wanting to say these things, if so why did I see her in the bathroom and hear her voice so clearly coming from there as I made coffee? See this is one fuck of a way to wake up not a fucking clue and almost worse then getting shit faced and black out drunk, at least at the club I’m dancing, fighting, and acting a fool as usual, what brought this on is truly unclear but I am sure we will be seeing it again the only question is when, and fuck it not alot I can do except this, write it down so we see it and can say hey this is the last time we seen whatever it maybe. I keep Facebook for this reason as well a yearly gauge on how life is going good or bad allowing us to see if we are winning or losing and until today I’d have said we were making some progress now I am not so sure, darkest before the dawn are the words in my head and this is my hope that we maybe seeing a swing in things for the better but the increased sucker punches and confusion is just things cleaning up and somewhat jump starting, I mean fuck this train of thought is harmless and encouraging to a degree, but if we see in the weeks and months to come confusion becoming more and more the way life is then we know we are fucked and just do whatever the fuck we want as time then will be truly running out at a pace we can not keep up with. Thank you to everyone for following and for the most part I will be laying low and thinking more then speaking and see no relevance in going live or posting much of alot today so everyone have a great day, and a happy bday to Michelle’s mom today as well I hope their day together goes well. Let’s see what tomorrow brings as today is a sit back day.


We Will Now Be Buying On The Street Again.

This one will trouble all of you legalization hopefuls, and some of you self proclaimed activists, since the hope of legalization was to make things more affordable and have better quality what we have instead seen is pure unadulterated horse shit being sold for stupid fucking prices. This is the beginning of the end of our take on dispensaries and legislation as I will be following up with a YouTube video tomorrow as my final Strain Reviews from our now old dispensary and truly it started as a delivery problem and then it became they’re cunts and just fuck people for money selling shitty uncured, or over cured over dried bud, which as I have shown is a mere mix of smalls and micros with the odd decent bud thrown in, this is nothing new from to they have all done the same thing started with great strains well cured and dried to fluff and bullshit causing sore throats and enough snot to choke a snot machine for christ sakes.

Those of you disagreeing with me on legalization are entitled to be stupid fucks, but if you think we have won anything except the right to get fucked and charged worse then before and if you can’t see it well its self explanatory your a moron. I don’t have diplomacy never did and will call it as it plays out and this whole idea of it being legal is a joke and in the last 2 years the rich made their money and are now leaving as we see CEO after CEO step down and company after company lay off due to poor profits and sluggish sales. You can’t put EX top drug cops in charge of weed companies which they did and see what happened. This can not make things legal and tax the fuck out of it it doesn’t work, we will switch from paying between 150 and 200 to around 100 an ounce you tell me what you’d do, especially when we are weeks away from harvest since this week marks our first seed order as well as some dry amendments and was going to be the tent as well however the company we wanted to go with is days away from a fresh shipment of tents and stuff for us so fingers crossed it won’t be long but we have a back up in place just in case, seems legalization has made the need for back plan after plan just in case makes no sense but this is the world the powers that be have given us and well fuck them and their bullshit.

This whole endeavor has shown me one thing if I want to grow 100 plants I’ll fucking grow 100 plants, since the government has left so many fucking gray areas leaving not only average joe citizen with an abundance of questions but I am certain there is a portion of our policing community as well scratching their heads as to what in the holy fuck is going on because it’s a quasi situation with shitty weed on the backside. I have said it a lot in my blogging time pre-legalization we were getting amazing ounces for 99 to 110 dollars delivery was spot on 2 to 3 days now since we pay no less then 150 for the same garbage we paid 99 for and delivery if you get it takes whatever it does and fuck you if you don’t like it which we were told by 2 at Weedbay or now Gotweed and Somplybudz and yes we have the emails no need to embarrass the shitty staff Jessica and Craig for being such shitty customer service assholes or cunts as I called the pair of them in various emails since they figured a 15% discount made things right for a 300 dollar order, I know fucking joke but welcome to legalization the biggest bunch of bullshit invented but we are done with them and any other dispensary and with literally 3 months left before we see our plants finish saving with farmer Ted is the only way to go less stress and if he thinks 15 percent is good in a fuck job, I can and will put hands all the fuck over the shitty cunt and there will be no talk, I think weed business should be conducted this way and I should have a chance with Craig and best the 300 out of him seems fair since well pre-legalization Craig wasn’t running his mouth at people like me he was losing fucking teeth with a gun in his mouth the way life should be, and with me getting more aggressive it’s best we leave the dispensaries and make some great ties in growing communities. Thank you all for following and make sure you see the follow up video tomorrow on YouTube. I will be going live tomorrow afternoon at 2pm EASTERN first Q AND A in forever so join me or don’t I’ll do them and see how it goes if noone shows then fuck it not wasting an hour anymore. I see alot tuning into fucking loser weed lives in the hundreds so its time to turn the volume up on ours as well, since I have something of value to add I would assume we would see more and will I am getting more energetic each day and wanting to rejoin society until next January and with the energy I feel now being way ahead of last year, look the fuck out to me for us to shine between Osaka and our own stuff it’s time to show just what we know so hang in as we gear up for a productive fucking year. Have a great day and remember grow your own whether the government or private dispensary it’s all about the dollars and not the help…

I Do Like You, Just Not Right Now.

This year again is seeing January and February being a pain in the ass without a doubt, the lack of motivation, the not entirely liking myself a whole lot, and being about as ambitious as a squat spider, and we have seen smaller signs of this through the rest of the year the only thing is we really don’t know why.

I know some say its vitamin D deficiency, lack of light, but I don’t do outside anytime and the more sun the more I try and hide since it makes my head goofy as fuck most days, so this doesn’t really leave alot of options other then barometric pressure which is or should I say must be stuck in the pre storm mode as we have seen a ton of unsettled weather at this time of year for as long as I can remember, I mean it wasn’t that long ago we used to wait for the January thaw because we were hunkered down in the cold so long that the reprieve actually helped some make it, and it’s not that I truly don’t get the winter blahs, blues, whichever it is a tough time of year for alot coping with brain issues whether like me or just depression and anxiety which isn’t just I meant alone. I see less of so many this time of year whether it be in Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter however those of us that make it are getting ready to hear up for spring, I am truly feeling like a hibernating bear and as angry as one currently and for no reason what so ever.

This year I am able to see where I was last year and the year before so we get a bigger picture then we ever have now and this is year is about average thus far not entirely sure where it went sideways last year but that day to is coming and I am anxious as fuck and not that I am scared to do it again, I mean what the fuck can I really do about, as we seen last year not a god dam thing. We are aware and doing what it takes to make each day easier maybe is the word, last year seen me trying to fit in here and there, attempting to make friends all over which to some degree I did but to a bigger degree I felt more foolish the anything because I mean who the fuck wanted to be my friend what is it I had to offer anyone? Yes those are all rhetorical and past tense as I know my worth as a friend this year far more then last and I am also seeing the pattern of highs and lows, and truly right now it feels as though I am rising up again so to speak or coming out of hibernation maybe better.

I am avoiding people this year more so then last as we are seeing and it isn’t that I don’t want to talk, it’s that I’m scared of the unknown, will I take something the wrong way, say something wrong, I mean the list of go wrongs is so fucking long I don’t know where to begin, I am also anxious about this Japan thing which I mean fuck who would’ve thought. So for this winter we shall call it loosely we are on the downslope and armed with some more tools and knowledge for next year which will hopefully see things alot smoother then even this year, in a perfect world for sure. Thank you all for following, and I promise I will he answering people sooner then later as I am behind on my messenger again but I do hope this sheds light, it’s not that I am cunt I am scared of either one of saying something and me taking it wrong and that something said could really be nothing any other day of the year but this one could be the last for me if things aren’t understood right. Moral of the story all those that I consider friends and want in my life are on the book all 11 or 10 of you and you have seen me here before and I will be back as I am already talking lives again which will he coming sooner then later because we still have a story to tell and we have been working quietly in the backside of things to help get here. This was a tough week for us as we seen the services we use become just a cluster fuck with everyone being a cunt it seemed and more then one got told as such from me so again let’s not add anything on an already burning fire, I haven’t been so snappy in along time and it has been awhile since I have human contact outside our circle and it’s time to get back with a Q&A Monday I will figure the time out once I talk to Michelle and go from there or maybe I will make a poll that I hope everyone will hit the page and answer to give me some direction to make it the best experience for all and the best show content on the net with an active bunch of friends asking and having questions answered. I knew this was temporary that’s why I didn’t shit everything down, but what I did will remain that way and once going again this current page will be pushed harder then before as this week will see our YouTube channel spike with activity as our best big adventure begins and we will now be able to bring even more education to those that care to follow and with June right around the corner I have to sit and get this video speech all figured out and in so that we can see what the test of the year will now bring. This is yet another weird and crazy year but it is what it is, thank you for following along and have a great day.

Becoming Even More Of A PRICK Then I Care To Admit.

They say the time will come when you get grumpy and shitty truly I am seeing this come faster and faster, between the just never fucking happy with anything outside this house, as you have seen this week has seen me rip more people’s faces off then I have in along time frustration like never before, from calling both the Internet provider and our now old dispensary dude cunts, telling them to fuck off and other such shit this is a clear indication things that never used to bug me much now grate my last nerve, now that’s not saying I haven’t said all of this before but then it was provoked this was really unprovoked and well over the top, like none were trying to rape my asshole just giving us shitty fucking service and acting a cunt about it.

The past would’ve generally seen me hang up and deal with it another day, but this past week was a fight with everyone outside of here and I don’t like it as this is sort of where we were last year but worse this year, although outward as opposed to inward this time the question would beg how long until I am again unhappy with me and taking life’s fuck ups out on me again? The questions of our lives mount daily about what the future either has or doesn’t have in store and with Dementia all around we are forced to have discussions and make decisions long before things come to a crashing halt and well I am no longer me, what will happen, when do we call it quits, does everyone have the strength, or will I just die of a heart attack I mean fuck, not the shit most want to deal with but we have no choice as for without it allows people later to have opinions they fucking don’t deserve so facing reality for us is a daily thing, not something your average person does alot these days, either working, drinking, socializing and avoiding the ultimate I get it as who the fuck wants to be us? Not a fucking soul that’s who and I don’t blame anyone a bit, as we my days of doing anything winding down right in front of our eyes and although maybe 5 years left of good good, let’s put shit into perspective for those that don’t get it, that’s from birth to what used to be kindergarten, less time then high school, or college for most. This is the thing I would love most to do contemplate especially if your one of those cast judgement types, or a time waster like so many see we know what the future has and what is and is not going to happen.

The biggest thing that will happen is regret for those that would’ve, should’ve, and could’ve see in life you either do or do not and this is just the simple fact of it all, and we did try a lot more then we should’ve to keep those in our lives that meant something to us in our journeys but they chose to not stay and now well it’ll be just us till the end no regrets, no bullshit. The scenario generally has regrets coming just about the end of someone’s life and its generally coming from those that pissed away chance after chance thinking death would never come, sadly it always does and we have no control as a general rule about the time and place of this event, see most pegged me for dead long ago based on lifestyle alone, and as an adult Oil Rig Hand, Truck Driver, Chicken Catcher, Construction worker I should have been dead 10 times over but I am still here and up until about a year ago reconciliation was all I had on my mind to apologize for my short comings and move on day by say dealing with today not yesterday and well every door I knocked on got closed in my face or simply never answered therefore I am now bitter and will not raise a finger to rekindle a mother fucker from the past, but instead will focus on new relationships dreaming with here and now those leading to a solution for others suffering the way we do, so that maybe nobody like us will have to be alone at the end ever again. I know a fucking pipe dream I’m this selfish cunt world we live in where people that get paid to care for others like me instead beat and kill them in the name of whatever the fuck they want and this becomes more acceptable as the lists grow and waits become longer that we have lost our humanity entirely, when you can justify putting a parent or loved one in shit hole notorious for abuse like so many locally and nationally. The moral of the story hasn’t changed folks time is the only currency we can’t get more of make more nada once gone it’s gone, if you have time with someone use it to have those discussions put the past where it needs to be and live everyday as though it’s the last, I mean it really doesn’t get any better nor easier, we are all afraid of judgement therefore we don’t tell the whole dirty truth however this is what keeps so many apart instead of united. This is all for today way deeper then I had anticipated but we never know exactly what is coming out of me, have a great day all and thank you for following.

To Have A Dog Is Both A Blessing And A Curse.

There is just no shortage of fun and aggravation having pets from pissing and shitting on the floor, to barking needlessly at night or at the wind anytime of day but truly there is no better friend to have at the end of the day is there?

The Male we have has been the most head strong and stubborn dog I have owned he truly trumps any Rotti, Pit, St Bernard, or other variation there of and so for him to spend extended periods outside to spite us is nothing new as he has wanted to be in charge for so long, last week we learned that it may not always have been stubbornness bit I stead a rare and inherited form of seizures and yes I had seen this just didn’t really really get it until I had to go out and bring him in twice last week as he sat in the middle of the yard at -20 I think it was maybe only 10 but none the less to cold for him to be out to long. This being said it wasn’t him being out that was troublesome it was him sitting perfectly still with a look on his face like he was lost. I do find it ironic that he to should have something miss firing in his brain and although we though we had gotten a female friend for him she in turn is now his guide dog as she knew something was up with him and will now be with him more when he gets goofy as I have no other word for it but we know now and truly from what I have read there isn’t a lot that can be done and we will do our best to make sure I pay attention to his episodes going forward.

This is not the sort of thing we will use weed for but hemp instead and then make butter and ultimately low does treats because as we know wees itself is not good for a dogs kidneys as they don’t break certain components down therefore a straight CBD should be more then enough and not everyday either one a week maybe every 2 should he more then sufficient to make the effects of the seizures less then we currently see. My years of owning dogs and seeing thing like bloat, cancer, and old age take them I don’t freak out to quick without knowing more, more what just more on the topic. He will live to a ripe old age as these don’t happen all the time and at this point I am not sure what brings them on but I will be watching closer to see, and it’s not food related as we feed them with a premium brand as well as things like rice plain of course, homemade treats, real fish, and other proteins again in moderation as with all we do our dogs eat as healthy as we do and why not right? I truly believe it’s the lifestyle we have that has made his symptoms not as bad as they could be if they ate shit food, or had never been to a vet but ours just finished blood work and bullshit so we know that they’re as healthy as they can be and now it’s up to us to see just how bad things are and if we can control it ourselves, if we don’t think we can we will get information on medications and side effects no differently then we would ourselves and then decide the best course of action, and like always we have more to learn before we are truly 100% sure but time will tell as it always does. This has to be the most ironic part of this entire situation a dog with a potential brain issue similar to its owner, you really can’t make this shit up, thank you all for following along and have a great day.

What Is This Speaking Thing All About Anyway?

Well this one came out of no where so it seems as neither us nor the Neuroscience folks recall who started following whom, the only thing we know is I got calls last summer from someone I literally thought was insane.

Then the craziest shit began I got new and more emails from this community asking me to bring my findings jump on a plane and present them in Osaka Japan this June, except these emails were directed to a Dr and we all know this simply isn’t me and I decided to correct this and let these folks know somewhere along the lines a mistake had happened and although not a doctor we have been exclusively working on C.T.E. and doing things our way with some moderate success and some set backs, I also expressed interest in presenting in video format since flying isn’t a thing for me and never has been. I am the guy who would rather spend 4 days on a bus then 4 hours on a plane why I am unsure but this anxiety gripped me for along time and now even though this is a chance of a lifetime I still wouldn’t fly. I hadn’t heard a response once I had corrected things for several days and then yesterday on the heels of a tough week the answer that they would accept our findings via 15 to 20 minute prerecorded presentation and sent all the links to do so, now to say I’m scared is an understatement since this will be shown to Doctors and Science folks from around the world.

The reason this is scary falls on many levels as we have seen over the past couple of years both those we thought should be interested and those others that pretended for their own gains have all been left in the wind and most didn’t truly believe we go through the things we do nor that it is possible to do what we do, so why would this room full of smart people want to hear what we have to say? This is the question that has been rolling in my head for the past 24 hours or so along with, will they just take our shit and run like the others did as well? Will we again be stuck alone feeling as though the world is now laughing at us? Or will this be the fucking network needed to say hey there is more ways to really treat this and other health issues? If we don’t roll the dice so to speak how will we know? Fact is we won’t and even after everyone has fucked us, taken our shit, called us liars, convinced others not to talk to us, I still have to spend the next month putting an entire package together for a conference half way around the world for a bunch of people I may never meet to potentially help another bunch of folks I may never ever meet. So here we go again without faith and hope in others what is it that we have in life absolutely nothing, and although I shit myself at every new possibility I am still going forward in the hopes this is the one, I almost sound like a gambler, addict, this is it I swear but the reality is I will continue to push forward and help anyone who may or may not have C.T.E, or dementia, Parkinson’s type illness since the vast majority are now living on borrowed time as they predict the numbers to climb substantially by 2030, so for those that walked away how many will suffer the same fate alone? Truly it’ll fucking look good on you karma will show you what a cunt you are and were to others, harsh perhaps but none thought twice about walking away from us so it is a direct response to a shitty action.

This all being said of course I am of the mindset that who the fuck cares and or wants to hear from me, but this would be wrong as these folks have now asked twice so to say no a second time makes me a bigger fool then most as they obviously want to hear what we have to say so let’s giddy up and go shall we and although sad I can’t fly and be present in real life the fact that our message will carry over is enough and if given the opportunity when they come to Canada we will be there in real life to answer questions and become more involved but until then we will take what we can get to get the message out about C.T.E and hopefully help even just 1 person if we can. Thank you all for following along and we will be posting more on this event in June in Osaka so stay tuned and have a great day.

The Customer Service Illusion.

Well today’s post should clarify a lot of things this week and just how customer service is fucking dead, let’s start of with out internet experience shall we or the lack there of since we can’t even watch a fucking movie now that everyone around us qualifies for upgraded internet, why don’t we you ask? Well we went over the 350 allowable gigs twice last year….yes last July and August we went over by 50 gig so that’s not the best option for us…this is no joke what we have been told so we went to another place setup installation and then bang we can’t get this service due to location but the salesman said we could?? This is on Monday along with again our order going MIA and the dispensary telling us they are “Sorry for inconvenience” and then further backing it up with a whole 15% discount should we decide to order again but wait we just lost $300 and they think for 15% were ordering again, I think this proves my theory of just how fucking stupid your average Canadian smoker is and don’t worry Jessica at got told to pound her bullshit and stop lying about how infrequent this happens since this is the second time in a month we ran out and the thousandth time in the last 4 we have complained about shit taking way to fucking long. This is of course on the heels of the website host we paid in full threatening to cut us off, I mean to say I am absolutely fed the fuck up would be an understatement since we are simple folks we would like to order things at a reasonable price and expect it be delivered in a timely fashion, is this really so fucking hard these days? An expectation of being treated as a human being, when hard earned money is lost a company stands behind their product, and again 30 years in logistics from the dock at 13 to a truck later on and back and forth many times as I was the best at the game there is nobody that is keeping me employed taking so long to deliver a product or service and to all those that fucked us lately from Billy Bob numb nuts and cunt face cockhead at hostpapa to Jessice and company at simplybudz and the internet providers to Canada Post fuck off and eat shit, taking peoples money and giving no service has become acceptable by a lot but not fucking me they fucked us for the last time and now we move on but not before I take a fucking swing at them all because again Jessica running put because your a fucking moron who doesn’t give a fuck about your customers doesn’t fly because what if I go in a rampage as a direct result of your incompetence and yes your delivery method is a direct representation of just how dirty and fucking shitty you are does this now become your liability as we have been buying your illegal product with due diligence only to come up short. Is this the accountability we need to bring about? Do I now need to begin to file motion after motion after motion against them here in Ontario forcing them into bankruptcy all because they need our $300 this is ok with me it cost me nothing to file to fuck with them constantly especially since they now offer mushrooms which if they dry and cure them as fucking awful as the weed it won’t be long and someone will get a moldy bag with serious complications and then what Jessica 15% off the next oh wait they will be dead as cunt sad way to conduct yourself and she was advised I am going to continue to talk for the shitty customer service they offer as we spent $600 a month average for almost a year, and if most will remember I said we would have about a year before they went like the others and look at us go. This is the sad fall out of legalization fuck the customer and take their money, this place has now also began taking down negative comments about sub par product this is a move we have seen from them all even those we never dealt with.

The point is folks to expect anything from anyone these days is a fucking mistake but to point them out and call them the dirty bastards they are is perfectly ok since I mean cover the taxes and take our money and product like Simply and Hostpapa seems absurd they hold us hostage to pay and pay and pay, fuck you we have paid enough and will no longer fuck with any of you shitty business fucks, you all come and go like the wind but I am done and will now be fighting back since why not these are true life experiences and check out YouTube and a live on the book before this is done. And my advice to all is if your not getting your dollar value then walk fuckem family to seems it’s an all about me world so cool I take a stance to fight now against them all let’s see how it works for them. Have a great day all and thank you for following along.

Canada Post Slower and Less Reliable Then The Stage Coaches Of The 1800’s!

Those following have heard and seen my rage towards this national fucking joke we call a postal service, the fact they steal, lie, and generally don’t do their fucking jobs which start between $20.20 to $45.00 and hour which I might add is more then THEY ARE ALL WORTH if your an employee following fuck you and please fuck off while fucking yourself your the cunts I speak of to lazy to work anywhere else and fingers so light shit goes missing all the fucking time. Those who have recently started to follow it’s not the over priced bullshit of the company what it is is simple, we have been utilizing Mail Order Marijuana Dispensaries for almost 3 years for those keeping track pre legalization when we could order Monday and pick it up Thursday same week AT THE LATEST, then came the strike and legalization well then we had to order the Friday of the week before in order to get it the following week, to bring it into perspective it’s a fucking envelope coming from the other side of the country you can drive in 3 and a half days alone for fuck sakes, now we are ordering Thursday and may not see it this week and its god dam express post 2 to 3 day MAX!!!!

How is it since legalization things take so much longer, and now the contract is coming due again which tells me we will be needing to order 2 weeks ahead of time on ANYTHING and as citizens the lemmings accept this bullshit and will run to their side when they go on strike because they’re so unfairly treated and have to work so fucking hard?? Its a joke and it’s time it ended as today I call our dispensary and god as my witness I truly wish to go live during the call since I will snap and tell them they’re the stupid cunts they are since there is no compensation see they now demand a $5.00 insurance payment before they will help, and sadly I have emailed several times in the hopes another shipping alternative be made available since the current one is going to again cost them customers and as we look back the amount of orders in between ours is down well over a thousand in less then a year so maybe they don’t give a fuck either. As a customer of any business we have that expectation of service and good to because exceptional went out the fucking window with the millenials they respect nobody until someone old school like me calls them out like I did the bitch from bell the other day talking to Michelle like a cunt on speaker phone and guess who’s attitude changed when I told her she was a rude cunt and yes she heard me without a doubt there is no muttering under my breath it’s to your face and fast no fucks to give and I am done tolerating second rate service and if after today I don’t get satisfaction I do have a legal background I will begin to use and file motions in Ontario fast and hard and shut them the fuck down with frivolous and laborious lawsuits for the dumbest and most logical shit I can again I have 24 hours a day to review case law sadly I need to record it all, but itll be worth it since finally a customer will get some satisfaction because there is no excuse in this day and age for this to be happening other then nobody has held anyone to task see to stop a bully you bully the cunt, and to get respect and treatment like we should as customers you need to stand up and this is what I do today. We are close enough to growing that I don’t give a fuck I will find someone on the street to sell us a few ounces until our crops done because this is the type of situation that will cause me to go over the edge.

The human factor is the portion of events these cunts don’t realize nor care about, we may run out for the second time this year again a week 7 cocksucking days isn’t enough when 2 was NO EXCUSE ever, when we come this close the anxiety, fear, rage, uncertainty set in and does either party care I would have to say we are a number to all and as long as they sell there shit they don’t care and as long as Canada Post is allowed to give sub par service they will continue to, so when they talk strike this year you can bet your cunt I’ll be the first to remind them of how fucking lazy and worthless pieces of shit they are from the top to the bottom whether liars, thieves, lazy or all of the above that is our national delivery system and today will mark the first time in forever I have asked EVERYONE TO SHARE THIS as I to share it in places I wouldn’t normally share but I am fed up and it’s time us CANADIAN’S BANDED TOGETHER AND SAID FUCK YOU AND HELD THEM ALL ACCOUNTABLE from the MOMS to the POST…fair service is the expectation but ass fucking is the reality and this ends my newest rant about this inept, ass backwards, lazy, thieving, lying, waste of CANADIAN TAX DOLLARS!! Thank you for following and have a great day.

A New Routine, Ain’t Easy.

It has been a minute since I have posted and to me I figured the site was down, as when I tell someone do this or else the or else tends to come in so when I told them to suspend us that’s what I figured would happen anyway.

This week has been a weird one as I don’t want to come back to the spotlight I am enjoying being alone and hooked on COD both Mobile and WW2, being in these rooms I don’t have to do anything except be there and shoot and die very easy in my opinion with no expectations of another human being to talk to me since I don’t want to chat anyway. This new way of doing things has been along time coming truly I have spent a few years trying to raise awareness and different supports, but as we learned unless this affects you, you have ZERO fucks to give you only hope it never happens to you and good on you I’d love to be a coward to but not in my DNA so is this the end?

I can sit and think of probably 2 million reasons why I should never ever do this again or how I have had my feelings hurt and cry the blues all day fact is we have some folks now suffering along with us and now is not the time to stop, although this time of year seems to knock me down a lot and I am not as active we have seen this before and know its only a matter of time before this becomes a reality of blogging daily and sometimes 2 or 3 as we move out of this I want to say winter even though it has been anything but and into summer being more active now which I am the hope is once the spring sun comes I will be back to pre winterish me, and this for me has to be the worst of it as it seems we get ten steps ahead and then I get sat on my ass and last year couldn’t pick myself up and it has taken along and exhausting fight to yet to this place where although not totally active but not totally withdrawn either. This is the biggest balancing act in the world since it truly feels like the house of cards we hear so much about in others lives and that the wind blowing the wrong way will collapse what we have built and I think my decision to allow it to be this way is going to save my life this year.

What I mean by this is simple last year I let all the past haunt me, the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, the why doesn’t anyone like me, and so on eat me alive now I know I have a little community of folks that get why I ghost a couple days and don’t take it personal this is a really fucked up time between headaches, feelings of inadequacies, and the forgetfulness has me fucked generally and let’s throw in a total lack if motivation, for example this week keeping in mind Michelle works a full time job and this week I was in my own words a lazy cunt, not only did I not cook most nights but dishes? No thanks barely did the fucking laundry which are all not like me a most following know we don’t take a government check not that we couldn’t use it but why bother long story ending in a total waste of time, therefore it’s up to me to keep shit tight here and I usually do bedding done sometimes twice a week, floors and such but the lack of fucks and energy makes it virtually impossible as most days I think I would rather piss myself then move, yes that’s fucking lazy. I was a man who worked 80 to 100 hours a week non stop a machine they called me now I am not sure what they call me but what I know is I am not that person anymore and I really wish I could he half on a continuous basis instead of these sporadic versions we see, I know from last year this is all temporary and I hope those following along understand as well that I will be back to blogging, videos, the book, and everywhere else as soon as the fog clears and the winds blow a different direction. Today will see us sit down and see if we can make our site faster for free I have a soft spot for Michelle and she wants to go through and see what we can do and if it doesn’t work we are unsure from there but if we don’t try the we don’t know how bad it is. Somedays it does feel good to write and others I feel as though I have nothing to say. This will be it for today and who knows what tomorrow could bring maybe this is the first of a new beginning or it’s an update until the next time either way thank you all for following along with our crazy C.T.E Life and I hope you have a great weekend.

Who Is This NEW Woman?

Well this past week seen Michelle head to the hair dresser a scene we have seen for almost 2 years this week was different and some would laugh and say I should feel lucky, but this isn’t the case here fear was on the agenda however. The majority of the time she goes and gets the trim and color, see I don’t get the whole hair dresser shit but this is ok, I am a guy.

This week. saw her actually get a hair cut and although I do like it I didn’t know who she was when she got home, to the point I was afraid of her and the last time we seen this was after I had a fall when we were horsing around then we chalked it up to the same feeling of Dementia Paranoia and was this in fact what was brought on the other day we aren’t sure, the only certainty is I forget her when she changes to much, this should be a red flag and alert for anyone still hanging on hoping for a future of friendship not happening, if your out your out, Michelle and I have been together 2 years in about 3 weeks or less and a subtle hair and color has the potential to make me run screaming because I don’t recognize her. This is the most significant change made in along time and it really shows where in the fuck I am again, I guess this week has been a real showing of just where we are memory wise and I am not doing so well as it would appear. This is I guess the key to understanding where we are heading since I exhibit so many forms of Dementia from Early Onset, Vascular, Frontotemporal, and the one more I can’t recall right now none the less 1 of these 3 would be enough and truly could be what it is and not C.T.E. at all highly unlikely but I have left the door open for this one since 2015 so this is nothing new. What is new is just how hard it hits me and the shock value, as I truly wouldn’t care if she shaved her head bauld the drastic change is well drastic, its crazy to think when someone so close to me makes such a small change the affects are crazy.

If I had a single wish in the world it wouldn’t be to turn back the clock it would more be to make my intelligence go at the same time therefore I would be unable to to really realize what was going on, I couldn’t look things up as I wouldn’t understand them, as a youngster I was to smart for my own good this is nothing new and I am not a bragger on alot but smart I was, probably one of few that could skip class almost all month and still get 80s on a test and be either hung, baked, or still drunk. I had the promise to be whatever I wanted to be, but my sites we locked in on and to quote Ray Liota “I always wanted to be a gangster” to me it was the only was I could validate myself as coming family of these mighty tough warriors I had heard so much about while getting my ass kicked as a kid to make me tougher ya this was some surreal shit in hindsight but its life. That being said I wish I was dumb as fuck then I’d go in peace maybe I don’t know if it would be easier or not just thinking out loud on the better way, again some surreal shit.

The main purposes of this one is to highlight the fragile environment we live in where a haircut sends me fucking loopy and wanting to run for the hills in fear, again how is she going to hurt me? This is the last of my thoughts the main being “Who in the fuck are you?” And that is exactly what I thought that day seems nuts to those on the outside but to those of us who deal with this shit everyday this is LIFE. We have zero control over these things and must learn to quickly adapt and I almost didn’t and am still having troubles getting used to it. See the cut made her look younger and more beautiful so it’s now like what is this young hot chick doing with my old ass lol, we have to eventually laugh about these not so much in the moment but crying and or getting upset all the time just makes life worse all around, we are prepared or so we think we are for a lot but this week I got stung twice by my brain I. the not remembering a movie and now this. The only questions I have going forward are when will the next one be and in what situation? The thoughts of meeting someone in the streets I haven’t seen in along time is scary in the fact that I may not remember an enemy therefore get punched in the face out of the blue causing me to kill the cunt where they stand or being friendly and insulting them and feeling embarrassed in myself for not remembering. The catch 22 that envelops us daily is huge because in order for change to take place we must truly walk through hell first, and anyone that can tell me not knowing your girlfriend of 2 years who you live with after a hair cut or being in fear of meeting the wrong person in public isn’t walking through hell the your fucked up. Thank you all for following and yes even you little fans that hate me suck my dick this fine Sunday, to the rest have an amazing day and don’t forget we could be shut down in a couple days, Hostpapa licks balls just ask them. Let’s see how they play their shit shall we. Have an amazing day all.

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